Hannah Rose

Today’s Reflection Out of Control I’M FALLING APART TODAY; I feel out of control. My mind jumps from one thought to another like a bed full of monkeys, and I’m the one who fell off and bumped my head. I want to scream, “Mama, call the doctor,” while seriously doubting anyone can help me. A hurting soul cannot be satisfied with quick fixes. … It is an inelegant, confusing process, this process called grief. Today I don’t feel useful anymore. I have relinquished my need to do anything purposeful, to succeed at anything, to impress anyone — including God. I must have packed my courage ad work ethic in a suitcase that got lost in the airport baggage claim. I live with so many questions and no answers. I suppose I simply need to quit mewling, be patient with the bereavement process, and let God work out my future. But right now I just want two aspirin for my bumped head. When feeling confused, stressed, or out of control, I go to my bedroom and sit in my overstuffed armchair. This morning I wasn’t even conscious I was doing that, and I’m not sure how long I had been sitting there. Out of habit, I reached for my Bible and my Disciple study manual and started to read. The brain fog began to lift as I read and re-read Jeremiah’s letter to the exiles in Babylon. … That letter was for me. My future is in God’s hands; God has not forgotten me. I need to go to God in prayer again and again until my scary, out-of-control spells pass. In prayer time, something mysterious happens. God wipes away fear and brings peace to my troubled spirit. – Nell E. Noonan A Widow’s Prayer